The Morning Hide and Seek
My mom was peeking out from her room this morning. I don’t think she could actually see me in my room, but she probably heard me moving around. She was waiting for the signal that she was allowed to get up.
The second I stood up to go get her, she scrambled back into bed and pulled the covers over herself. It’s funny to watch, but it’s also a bit strange.
When “Stay in Bed” Becomes a Rule
She’s a grown woman, yet she feels like she needs permission to start her day. I realized it’s because I’ve spent so many nights telling her to stay in bed.
In her mind, she‘s just trying to follow the rules. She doesn’t want to be “bad.” This is the mental loop you get stuck in.
You tell them to sleep at 2:00 AM because that is what you are supposed to do. But by 8:00 AM, that boundary has turned into a wall.
The Power of Caregiver’s Voice
They lose the ability to tell the difference. They can’t distinguish between staying in bed because it’s the middle of the night and staying in bed because they aren’t allowed to move.
It makes you realize how much power your voice has. You aren’t trying to be a warden, but they start to see you as the one who holds the keys to the day.
The Adult-to-Child Shift
It’s a lot of pressure. I feel like she is behaving like a kid now. I guess this is what dementia eventually means for adults. You want them to have independence, but they’re so worried about doing the wrong thing that they wait for a prompt.
Next time I see her peeking, I might just let her be curious for a while. It’s a hidden win to see her still curious about the world, even if she thinks she has to hide it.
We’re all just doing our best to follow rules that keep changing.
Let’s Talk
Does your parent wait for “permission” for things they used to do on their own? Drop a comment below and share your story!