The 4 AM Logic Gap
Anyone caring for a parent with dementia knows the middle of the night has its own unwritten rules. A few nights ago, I woke up at 4:00 AM to the stomping sound of my mom‘s walking aid.
Caught in the Hallway
When I stepped into the hallway, she startled—caught off guard seeing me out of bed—and tried to rush back to her room like a child breaking a rule. Because she moves so slowly normally, watching her try to hurry and hold her balance against the wall was terrifying. A fall would be disastrous. I caught her and helped her back into bed.
Once down, she offered a weak excuse: she wanted her plastic spit bag cleared off the floor. When I asked why she didn’t look for me, she replied, “Well, I thought you were asleep.”
The Search for Logic
The logic made no sense. She reaches out to me for everything, so I knew the excuse was a lie. Sitting on the edge of my bed afterwards, searching the internet in the dark, I felt a deep unease.
If you’ve ever seen that flash of embarrassment or fear in your parent’s eyes because their mind is failing, you know how heartbreaking it is. Her excuse wasn’t malicious. It was a broken mind desperately trying to cover a blunder.
The Second Wake-Up Call
As I fell back asleep, she woke up again. She stood by my door, calling my name just to ask what I was doing, “I am sleeping,” I said simply. “Please go back to bed.”
That second wake-up call is where the real exhaustion sets in. If you have been through these loops, you know there is no point in tracking down the logic. There is no neat fix.
It sounds blunt, but sometimes a direct, normal voice in the exact reassurance they are looking for. In those moments, the best thing you can do is just answer the question, let go of the frustration, and help them find their way back to rest.
Let’s Talk
Have you experienced one of these middle-of-the-night loops with your parents? Share your story in the comments below.