When She Can’t Let You Out of Her Sight
I was standing by the stove cooking the other day. I turned around, and there my mom was. Just standing in the kitchen doorway, watching me.
When I am out of sight, she gets worried. It is a constant cycle of shadowing and separation anxiety. It happens when I’m in my bedroom, in the kitchen, in the bathroom, anywhere. I don’t even shut doors anymore.
The second she realizes I’ve noticed her, she bolts. She rushes back to her chair as fast as her shaky legs can carry her, wobbling and dragging her walking aid.
Sometimes she looks back over her shoulder to see if I’m watching. It looks like a scene from a comedy show, but it is terrifying. My stomach drops because I know one bad trip means a broken hip.
Other times, she doesn’t run. She just stands there and asks, “Should I be watching TV now?” even though she was doing exactly that before she got up.
The logic is gone, but there is still a confusing sense of social awareness. She knows she is tracking me, and she seems embarrassed when she gets caught.
It is exhausting. I feel like I can’t move without being followed.
But it is also the moment I realize the generations have completely flipped. The responsibility has shifted. She is losing her grip on the world, and I am the only family face left.
Lately, I’ve started telling her exactly where I am going before I leave the room. “I’m going to the kitchen to cook dinner now.”
I pause, make eye contact, and wait until she nods or repeats it back. Without that explicit acknowledgement, she’ll be standing in the doorway five minutes later.
Amazingly, it helps. Usually, she stays put. It is strange how much weight sits on a single sentence like that, but that is where things are now.
Let’s Talk
How do you handle it when your loved one follows you from room to room? Leave a comment below.