A New Chapter, Together
I noticed it before she did—the signs that my mom couldn’t manage on her own anymore. Her first instinct was to suggest a senior home.
She told me she didn’t want to be a “burden,” but I could tell she was just trying to protect my life and my career. When a parent says they don’t want to be a “weight,” they usually just need to know they aren’t being abandoned or forgotten.
Once we really started listening to each other, we realized the home wasn’t what she wanted. She wanted to be around family, not strangers. So, we decided to live together.
Going Back to the Roots
My decision was shaped by how I grew up. I watched my mom look after her own parents while raising me. I saw how the sandwich generation life worked firsthand, but being the one in it is a completely different story.
At the time, I was still working abroad. Making this decision required planning and adjustments. It could not be rushed into, even though time was of the essence.
It’s a major change for both of us. For her, it’s getting used to needing help. For me, it’s the juggle of a job and a commute while being there for her. We’re figuring it out as we go.
Managing the Distance
Right now, that means a long commute from another country. It means late evening phone calls, checking the remote camera, and coordinating with her care worker from afar. I travel back whenever I can before we establish a long-term plan.
The role changes when you become the one organizing your parent’s daily life. It’s about figuring out how to be together in a way that still respects their independence. For us, that means letting her continue to do the things she prefers in her own way.
Balancing an international transition with daily long-distance care updates is a constant learning curve. I simply cannot do this 24/7 on my own. It is about finding a balance so I don’t end up completely exhausted.
What Keeps us On Track
These are the things that help keep us on track:
Self-Care: My strategy for staying healthy.
Extra Help: Admitting when you need a caregiver.
There’s no right or wrong way to do this. There’s just the version that works for your family.
Let’s Talk
How did you handle the conversation about where your parents will live? Leave a comment below.